


London is the new Sodom

by EcateC



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bench Scene (Andi Mack), Confused Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley has fun, Crowley is embarrassed, Everyone Is Gay, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, M/M, St. James's Park, they're all lustful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 14:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19703269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EcateC/pseuds/EcateC
Summary: Sit in their favorite bench, Crowley and Aziraphale looked at the various and interesting human fauna, trying to guess what'll be the divine destiny for every passers-by.When suddenly it comes an happy couple (...of boys...).





	London is the new Sodom

_ -Heaven!- _

_ -No, Hell. Definitely Hell- _

-Why? He seems such a good man-

-Don’t you see, angel? He’s got two phones, one for his wife, the other for his lovers. Double phone, double life, that’s the way it works for those technological humans-

Aziraphale looked at his best friend, feeling a little surprised. He thought about it and he shrugged, looking at the passerby walking away.

-So do you think he’s another lustful man?-

-I bet my car- answered Crowley, licking tastefully his red popsicle.

-Ok, I can take it. And what about...- Aziraphale looked around the park -What about the blond guy at twelve o'clock? He seems nice to me, he could go to...-

-Hell. Gluttony- replied quickly the demon. He had a great fun, as you can imagine.

Aziraphale got al little hurt, but he didn't give up -I see... And the woman behind him? The one with a _chiffon_ blouse? I'm sure she will go to Heaven!-

-No, angel. She's lustful, too-

-Lustful again? They’re all lustful for you, how can it be possible?-

-Not all… Look, here it comes a greedy one- the demon pointed to a pale, emaciated guy with a worn pouch -And on your right there is a wrathful girl- he added, pointing to a big, severe girl who was walking like a soldier -See? Not all humans are lustful. Toh, there's also a slothful boy, who come with...-

-That’s enough, Crowley, I don’t like this game anymore- exclaimed the angel, finishing quickly his ice-cream -I get back to my bookshop-

-You wanna stop because you don’t find anyone suited to Heaven- said Crowley, all smug -I told you, your perfect, shining Home is going to be an empty place-

The blond angel looked badly at him, upset.

-So? We’re selective- he admitted, angry -There is no bad in this-

Crowley smiled to him. Making Aziraphale angry was his favorite sport.

-If you're sure… But think about us: demons don’t make any discrimination. People don’t need the CV for joining Hell- he said with a smirk of fun -We welcome everyone-

_-_ And it shows! You’re a herd of… Of…- Aziraphale hesitated, biting his lips - _Of stinking animals!_ -

-Angel!- exclaimed the demon Crowley, pretending to be shocked -What a bad thing to say!-

-You make me say the bad things!- hissed the Angel, angry but already sorry -You would lose temper even to a saint!-

-Stop it, I’m blushing…-

-What a loudmouth-

-Come on, look at that girl, the blonde one with a dog, over there- Crowley suggested, hold him tight -Nice smile, wedding ring, animal lover… She might go to Heaven, might she not?-

Aziraphale looked at her with a little smile, she really seemed the perfect image of integrity.

-Yeah, I think she fits the profile-

-See? Demon Crowley knows how to fix his favorite angel-

Aziraphale smiled and blushed a little, agreeing silently with him.  But right at that moment, the newest Heaven’s recruit not only didn’t clean her dog’s business, but she also covered it with an handkerchief.

Crowley hid a smile, Aziraphale frowned with disappointment.

_-I take it back-_

-It isn’t such an intolerable behavior- gasped the angel -People don’t go to Hell for not cleaning their dog’s leavings-

-Hm-mh, sure. And what about those two?-

-Who?- asked Aziraphale, looking around. There were so many people walking in the St. James’s Park at that time, common people totally unaware of being spied by two arcane and chatterer presences. 

-Those two!- repeated the demon, pointing to a couple of boyfriends with a silent nod. Aziraphale saw the young men and suddenly he felt awkward. They were two guys, nothing special if you think, homosexuality was an ancient tale… _But_ …

-Sodomites- Aziraphale murmured, fixing his already fixed bowtie.

-Yep- agreed Crowley, staring at him -So? Where do you put them?-

-Well… Recently, the politics about… You know, about this kind of sins, is become more indulgent, I suppose- replied Aziraphale, all tense -Although there were many opponents, Heaven is more tolerant with sodomites-

-And what about you?-

-Me? Oh, I don’t have any authority. You should ask archangels, Gabriel could certainly…-

-I’m not interested in Gabriel- said Crowley -I wanna know your personal opinion, angel. Are you against it or not?-

Aziraphale thought about it. These speeches made him feel uncomfortable, he was an angel after all, a celestial and pure creature, he wasn’t supposed to think about _this stuff_. However, he realized with surprise to have a really clear idea about that.

-I’m not against it, not at all- he replied, impressed by his own sureness -If they’re in love, they have the sacrosanct right to love each other and stay together. Just like us, if you think-

Crowley turned to him, astonished -Us?-

Aziraphale nodded -We’re friends, despite our nature. We should hate each other, fight or something, but instead we’re in love-

- _What?_ I’m not in love with you! For the hell’s sake!-

The angel smirked, wrinkling his nose - _You are..._ -

-No, I’m not!- exclaimed Crowley, hurt in his demon’s pride.

-Come on, admit it!- smiled Aziraphale, grabbing his arm -You don't have to be shy-

-HELLO!? I don’t love you! I’m a demon- roared Crowley, embarrassed -I don’t love anyone!-

-I do love you- replied Aziraphale, softly -Even if you’re a demon and sometimes you’re not that nice-

-I NEVER be nice!- he hissed strongly, and then he added in a lower, shy voice -You’re nice-

-You’re, too. You’re nicer than some angels I know-

-Look. I go back to hell and I will never talk to you again, if you keep speaking ill of me- Crowley threatened him, but he also let Aziraphale come closer.

-Alright, my dear. You’re evil, cruel and heartless. Better?-

Crowley smiled and nodded -Better. And you’re good, sweet and lovely-

Aziraphale looked at him, his blue eyes shone more than the sky itself -Thank you, Crowley-

-It didn’t mean to be a compliment- he said with a tender, little smile.

In the meanwhile, in Heaven and Hell angels and demons were watching this scene on line tv. The good guys by a huge, brand new plasma television, the villains by a tiny, sixties and rusty tv, which took more kicks than signals.

- _It’s outrageous, totally outrageous_ \- Gabriel commented elegantly, looking contemptuously at the lovebirds on the bench.

- _What the fuck is that shit?_ \- was the more vulgar Beelzebub’s comment, with an ignorant farty noise in tow.

But we all know the truth, neither of them could really understand what bound the angel to the demon and the demon to the angel. Maybe, if they had asked to the guys’s couple, who were walking through the St. James’s Park and looking at them with a conscious smile, they would have their response.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, sorry for my bad english, I hope you enjoyed this story anyway!  
> Anyway... aren’t they lovely? Ineffable husbands 4e ;)  
> Let me know!


End file.
